Baby (Got) Back Ribs

 

Want to know a secret about me? I like food. Even though I look famished most of the time, the truth is I know how to put down. While I will not say I could compete and win at most Man vs. Food challenges, I definitely can eat like a fat kid when I want to. And most of the time, I want to. My stomach is a gift and a curse at all times.

This past weekend, my roommate and I decided to get our grub on at the National Capital Barbeque Battle. While the battle for the nation’s best bbq is the main attraction, there is plenty of other activities to partake in. For instance, you can take your picture with the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. Or if that’s not exciting enough, you can do what I did – blow $50 on a variety of ‘que. I mean, what else do I need to spend money on? Women? HA. But I digress.

I began with my personal favorite – a beef brisket sandwich. Now this sandwich was awesome. The brisket was lean, the sauce to beef ratio was good, and most importantly, take a look at those buns! Potato! This sandwich was a dream come true. After finishing in record time, I knew it was time for seconds. But as good as that brisket was, I was now in the mood for some pulled pork. (For the record, I was also given a rib bone around the time I ate the brisket sandwich. Just in case you thought I was hatin’ on baby back ribs.)

Unfortunately, the pulled pork sandwich was not up to par with the brisket. Instead of waiting on one of the longer lines for food, I went to the first empty station. What a bad idea. So lesson learned – always wait in line for the good bbq.  Anyway, the problem with the pulled pork was in the execution. First, the sauce was sweet and not smokey. I guess that’s fine if you are used to spare ribs from Asia Wok but I need my ribs just like forests needs bears – smokey. Second, the bread was only decent. Sure the main attraction is the meat but it has to be surrounded by a good supporting cast. Lastly, it was kinda cold. And there is just no excuse for that. Lamesauce all around.

At this point, I began to feel a bit sick from ingesting over one pound of meat in under thirty minutes. So I began looking for alternatives to bbq. And there were plenty. A free Oscar Meyer hot dog began to warm my spirits (and my tummy). Then I finally got a drink to quench my thirst. Now hydrated and feeling a tad better, it was time for dessert.

Up first, Famous Dave’s infamous chocolate covered bacon. Originally, I had refused to eat at Famous Dave’s since I can eat there at anytime, but damn, I was hooked at chocolate. So I ordered two pieces of bacon and anxiously awaited taking the Facebook pictures to brag about it. Unfortunately for America, it was turrible. Really! I know what you are thinking – how could something sound so great wind up being so bad. But just like the Karate Kid remake, it is possible. I thought the sweetness of the chocolate and the saltiness of the bacon should be a wicked good combination. However, unlike Pretzel M&Ms (which are the shit), there is nothing else to balance out the salty sweetness. So after a couple of bites, it got stale fast. I tapped out after half a piece of bacon (which is way below my normal daily intake of bacon).

Thankfully, I made up for it with my second dessert. Next to the place where I purchased that awesome beef brisket was a tent that was creating some novel fried items – snickers, milky ways, twinkies, and butter. Fried butter? Oh yeah, I was down for that. My only fear was that they were going to fry the entire stick of butter which I guess isn’t healthy. Thankfully, this was not the case as they only used a piece of butter and rolled it up into a ball. Not only was it delicious but the butterball made me feel a little better about my eating habits. And just in case you are one of those haters (Aashish) that does not believe I ate the fried butter, here’s a better butter (say that five times fast) picture for you.  

After polishing off the butterball, my body immediately went into shut down mode. I guess fried butter just does not sit well after two bbq sandwiches, a hot dog, and chocolate covered bacon. By the time I got home, I was fully under the wrath of the Itis. And it stayed that way until I took part in of one of the most cleaver wall posts of all time. But until that madness, the Itis left me debilitated and unable to leave my bed. Normally that would be fine. Except this time, the television was tuned into the Food Network and even I did not have the stomach for it.