Center Field

Radiohead lied in their 1999 documentary “Meeting People is Easy.” It’s not. For if it was, we would all make a ton of friends at the bars nightly. But that’s not happening nor is that realistic. In actuality, to meet people, you need to put yourself out there or at least, take on a certain role in a group. Since I do not like putting myself out there, I’d rather spend my time perfecting my role as a social drunk. I find it to be something that I am good at. All you need is a few drinks (I might be the biggest 210 lb lightweight ever), a couple off-kilter remarks that could be considered racist if you weren’t so loveable, and a complete disregard for what other people think… at least on the outside. Inside you can be as emotionally scared as you’d like.

Recently, I think I have taken my social drunk skills to an entirely new level. Call me a late bloomer, if you’d like but I like to think of myself as a former first round draft pick that has finally hit his potential years later.  I could also blame my surroundings (Wade) or the miscreants and hooligans (Lebron) that I have decided to hang out with recently. But nope, like Akon, you can put the blame on me.

But please don’t. I (Bosh) can’t handle that pressure.

Rather blame the game of baseball. I mean seriously, it’s boring as shit. Take this past Tuesday’s Nationals vs. Phillies game that I attended. I could not tell you one distinct play in the game. And I attended it. Then again, I never made it to my seats that night.

That’s because some genius created “The Bullpen” – a hangout spot outside of the stadium full of 90s cover bands, rows of cornhole, and most importantly, my new favorite drink, frozen Red Bull Vodkas. Yes, you read that correctly, FROZEN red bull vodkas. I would easily give up a kidney to the person who thought of this concoction. And really, why hasn’t anyone thought of it earlier? Seriously, people, y’all been slacking.

By the way, said cost of these lovely drinks - $10. The cost of my ticket to attend the baseball game - $10. And it did not stop there! My $10 cover also allowed me to attend the baseball game or should I say get a prime spot at the National’s Red Loft Bar – an open air bar in center field. The Red Loft Bar had all sorts of drinks you’d fine at classy establishments like Gypsy Bar – Jack, Jim, Jose, Johnny, and Jaeger. Suffice to say I comprised the sixth J and by the end of the game, I’d be shocked if I could remember all five names.

So Fly.

Yes, I was waisted (and by the way, this is my blog and this is how I spell waisted) on a Tuesday night. This is not a good idea when you have work the next day. And it’s also not a good idea when you decide to drunk text on said Tuesday night. And it’s an even worse idea when you decide to drunk online shop on said Tuesday night. Oh man, thank God, that transaction did not go thru. Because as nice as a Childish Gambino red hoodie would have been, I really did not want to foot the $50 price tag. Plus, had I purchased the jacket and decided to wear it out, it would have taken me out of my “social drunk” role and into something that I do not have much experience with. Hipster.

Judging by how some people dress/act in DC, this might not be the worst idea. Maybe then it might be easier meeting people and then everything would be in its right place.