A downside to living in NOVA is the lack of a nearby body of water (ocean or lake) to go swimming in. Both Ocean City, MD and Virginia Beach are 3.5 hours away – too far a distance for an impromptu trip when there’s a lack of other fun things to do. This is an unfamiliar experience for me as in Boston within 90 minutes you had your choice of hanging out with bears in Provincetown, fist pumping with Jersey Shore rejects at the ABC Club in Newport, RI, spending a day on Kurt’s boat in Rye, NH, or at worst, a ton of other shitty to mediocre beaches up and down the coast of Massachusetts. Yup, it was really convenient back in the day.
With all large bodies of water in NOVA dried up, I seeked out the next best alternative – community pools. While not the most attractive idea as community pools can tend to be dirty (at least in New Jersey), it was a step up from dousing myself with a hose behind the garage (sexy, I know) or stealing Little Jimmy’s slip n slide. That said, if Little Jimmy had a Crocodile Mile, I would totally be there. Fortunately, a search for a community pool led me to an even better discovery – a waterpark in my very own city!
You would think that I would not need fucking Google to point out a waterpark less than three miles from my house, but you’d be wrong. I also wondered why I have never heard of a waterpark less than three miles from my house! No radio commercials, no brochures, no billboards, nothing. Hell, my roommates did not even know about it. It’s like the park would rather not let you know it exists. But it exists. It exists all right.
Take a look at the above picture. Look again and let it soak in. Because that’s the whole park! Okay, I am exaggerating a tad. In addition to what you see above, to the right of the picture is a kiddie section (with a bucket ready to spill at any time) and there is also another pool that is used for swimming laps. But that’s everything unless you count the nonstop barrage of Jimmy Buffet music as an attraction. So yes, two slides, two pools, a kiddie section, and a musical Margaritaville all this for the low entrance fee of $30!
I’m just kidding. It was only $8. Hell, for an additional four dollars, Ocean Dunes will throw in a free round of minigolf and access to the batting cages! Take that Water Country USA.
For that price, I am fine with what I got even with the beach chair shortage as there weren’t enough chairs when I got to the waterpark 10 minutes after it opened. Undeterred, I had no issue doing my best Emerson impression by planking on the grass for four hours. I was one with nature and one with my tan. Which I hope will look impressive as I applied a shit ton of Maui Babe tanning oil to my body. I take tanning pretty, pretty, pretty seriously.
Now if only I had someone to help apply the tanning oil on my back. But that’s a whole ‘nother story. And it sadly will probably cost me more than $8.
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